Rainy Wednesday

Ben and I are getting a lazy night tonight for the first time in.....I lost count. I started a third job on Sunday, and though I don't work every night, Ben does...since his schedule changed on November 1st. We have about 2 hours awake with each other each day, and tonight we get some of those precious hours together.
Ben was shot down for a promotion at work, and I'm sincerely pissed. I drove home, staring at the rain pelting the road, and just felt defeated. I had a stupid pseudo-fight with a co-worker, and just felt like sighing the biggest sigh. I want to learn this lesson, take my spoonful of medicine and move on. I want both of us to be able to move on. To pay our bills and be able to buy groceries. Both! At once! To stop worrying about whether I disagree with my boss and if I'm going to be able to keep my job.
Here's the bright side: It's 8:24, I've had a glass of wine, and a bowl of ice cream, I hear the hum of our heater, the rain on the sidewalk outside, and in about a half an hour, I'm going to sleep. With my husband who loves me.

H1N1 is a bitch...

Or, Yep, that's what Ben has. Upon finding it out Wednesday afternoon, he remarked "Hey, now I'm historical!" And then he threw up.

This is the drug cocktail he's on. Ok, well, with a few other things that he's also on but for his pinched sciatic nerve. Yeah, there's that too.

But we have some awesome people checking in on him, and I've been out four times today to stock up on Lysol, Kleenex, ginger ale and popsicles. And orange juice.

My take on the Duggars...

I'm obsessed with the show. I would love to have a close-knit, well-mannered family-that's-so-large you don't need friends. But then again, I wouldn't. But that's because I have fond memories of dinners at Friendly's with my sister and brother. While we sat at our own table and laughed our asses off at I don't remember what, my mom and dad would enjoy a quiet dinner and pretend not to know us at the table behind us. That's my family. We'll tease each other about anything, but let someone else make fun? Suckers gonna die that's what.

Back to the Duggars. I watched an episode where the two oldest girls get their wisdom teeth out, and Mom and Dad Duggar went with them to the oral surgeon, and Dad Duggar even walked younger Duggar into the dentist chair and held her hand until she passed out. That's super sweet. Super adorable. Great family support system. They really do love each other.

In the episode previous to that, the Duggars went to visit a local elementary school, and each Duggar was asked what they wanted to be when they grow up. All the boys gave answers along the lines of "a missionary" "a doctor" "a lawyer", while the girls gave answers along the lines of "I want to take classes in photography" "I want to take some classes in...." The boys are encouraged to BE something, the girls are encouraged to DABBLE. The emphasis for the girls is, meet Prince Charming, get married, be a mom and a housewife.

Um. What????

Really???

That's your whole purpose in life? Make babies? Be married? What about going out on your own? Or ok, get married, that's great! Marriage is wonderful. Having a family is wonderful. But what about learning other things? Having a CAREER? Why don't the girls want to be doctors? Or lawyers?

On a related note, every episode I've seen with Josh and Anna revolves around Josh doing something, Anna watching. Josh talking for Anna. Anna not sitting up straight. Josh and Anna kissing in front of their cousin Amy, while she's just stated she's trying to repect their beliefs and not kiss her boyfriend in front of Josh and Anna. Modesty for the girls, but the guys get to drive Jaguars and BMWs. The kids and Mom Duggar have to wake up and get things done, but Dad Duggar is the last to wake up. Sigh. I have a complex relationship with this show.

I'm so tired of Conservative Christians who put girls in a box. What f-ing year is this anyway? Put on some damn pants and stand up for yourself. Just because you want something different from your parents doesn't mean you don't love Jesus. Geeeeeez'm.

The Art of Therapy

Oh, what Shouldn't I be doing right now that I said I'd do on my lunch break? Oodles of things. But I'm inspired. Just came across my friend, Sara's, blog on vaginas, and really I'd love to guest blog. Really. My story with Ben has been fraught with emotion, from me asking on our, what was it, third date? "What would you do if I got pregnant?" waaaaaay before pregnancy was even possible, to my continual fear that each month will bring about that lifelong change that I...and we, are not ready for. Even though we are taking every precaution.

Which leads me to, therapy. Yes! I have started therapy, and though I've only had one session, I feel BETTER. I don't feel like crying or hurting someone in very hurtful ways every day. It's delicious. My therapist explained her view of therapy this way: " I believe in a Wizard of Oz kind of world. We're all either Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, or the Scarecrow, and I'm the Wizard. And what did the wizard do when they came to visit? He showed them that they ALREADY had what they were looking for, they just needed to know how to use it."

I had chills when she said that. CHILLS.

So, just a few areas in which I hope to apply this newfound wisdom:
my relationship with my parents
my relationship with Ben
how i see myself
my work relationships (can you call them relationships?)
Anger Management

Africa...

The fun thing about having a husband who grew up in Africa is all the miscellaneous and interesting artifacts his family has kept. Gail's been cleaning out her guest room to prepare for a bigger bed, and while unpacking boxes, she came across a few things for us to have. One, a marriage chain. All of the pieces are carved from the same piece of wood, and the head on each end represents the husband and the wife. The significance is, the two are still individuals, yet one unit. I loved hearing her tell me the story behind it, watching her smile at the beauty of the symbolism. Despite everything she's gone through, she has hope, resilience, and a sheer love for life and its possibilities. Which is why I admire her. She doesn't give up.

She also gave us an East African batik, and explained the differences between east and west african art techniques, and a carved candlestick and linens from various countries. It's awesome for me having people who know and want to continue to learn about everything - she comes from a line of travelers who've brought interesting items from every country they've been too, and through her life, was able to provide her kids with the same love of culture and the world.

That's something that's important for Ben and I as we go forward. To, when we have kids, and even before and after they're grown - to TRAVEL. To experience life in other countries, and in our own country too.

Now, if we could master the art of traveling to small Virginia towns without being assaulted by the local police force, we'd be set...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPT_3PEjnsE

The Dining Room

Inspired by Young House Love. Officially the most elegant curtains I've ever had. I have a single tear in my eye.

My favorite room in the house...so far.

Maybe it's the fireplace, or our new favorite thing, the "roman shade". Or maybe it's the delicious bottle of wine, whatever je ne sais quoi the living room holds, it's my favorite room. We wanted at least one room established so we had a place to rest, and the living room is it. I "finished" the rest of the rooms this morning, but they're no where near as interesting.

Yesterday, we got a clean bill of health from Uncle Gerry!! The importance of this commendation cannot be underappreciated. This man, this systems engineer for a major company here in ol' RVA volunteers his free time, taking new Habitat for Humanity homeowners on "tours" of their new houses, teaching them the basics of each system - the HVAC unit, the furnace, the washer and dryer, all the bathroom components, etc... and has a little pamphlet to leave them when the tour ends. He's great. Totally great. Plus, he's a marathon runner who's battled/ing cancer. Seriously. He's amazing. I can't adore him enough.

So for a housewarming present, he took us on our own little tour of our cute little home, and thoroughly blessed it. Even when yesterday morning, our dryer decided it didn't really want to dry the clothes, it just wanted to spin and get hot, but not do shit. I kept running the cycles, I guess partly from misplaced hope, and partly in disbelief. I don't know the first thing about fixing house stuff. Except maybe cleaning out a clogged sink drain. That's the extent. That's like, knowing how to boil pasta; it equals zilch. When Ben pulled the dryer out from the wall, he noticed the botched surgery job done to the dryer (after a little help from the world wide web, we discovered the problem could be a clogged vent hose, which Gerry later affirmed); the previous tenants? owners? had repurposed a PIROULINE can into a connector for the hose to the dryer and had an extra 6' of hose tangled up going into the wall!!!! It was ghetto NOT fab for about 4 hours yesterday.

Gerry swooped in and rescued our nervous emotions by exclaiming, No big deal! Go to Lowe's, get enough METAL hose to connect to the dryer and run it out the screen door. It's a working temporary solution, but I'll tell you, I'm tempted. I'm tempted to keep our makeshift dryer vent. It's kind of charming in a tenement building kind of way. Fits with the peel and stick laminate. YES!

Ben followed Gerry around for the rest of the tour and told me afterwards, He came alive! He was crawling into the attic, walking all around the basement and the half crawl space, checking everything out, and everytime he came to something new, he'd say, wow! this is great, look at this! At the end of the tour, right as he and Aunt Lynn were about to leave, he told us, You guys couldn't have done better for a first home. You could stay here forever if you wanted to. It's a great house. Lynn even told us on the way out, He keeps saying "It's a wonderful house!" I love it.

I love it because it's been an agony the past few months. Up and down with emotions, wondering if we'd find something, if we could afford it, if this really was a step forward or a misguided attempt at adulthood. We want to make it. We want it to be ours, to be a source of peace and calm, and I hope Gerry's affirmation is the beginning of something beautiful.